(and my sanity - once again)! I should know better by now, it is my own silly fault. I had to run into the supermarket for a couple of things - an hour and a half later we made it back to the car alive (just).
I don't know what it is about shopping with Jasper but I do know it is a nightmare - whether it is running into the shop for one item or doing a full on grocery shop. There are so many triggers for a meltdown. It starts when we get to the entrance of the supermarket and the automatic sliding doors - Jasper has to be the one to make them open. If they are open when he gets there he does not like it one little bit, and we are not allowed to enter the shop until the doors have closed completely (and 'he' has to be the one to set them off to open). With a constant stream of people going through the doors it is amazing we ever make it inside at all.
Next is the trolley saga - he likes to choose the exact one (which is more often than not, right in the middle of the stack, and therefore impossible to get at). He insists on walking and will not sit in the trolley, and instead spends the entire time insisting that I carry him. I repeat clearly and calmly - 'Jasper can walk or sit in the trolley, Jasper choose'......nup........'carry me'.........'Jasper can walk or sit in the trolley, Jasper choose'......nup.....'carry me' (and on and on it goes)!! For some reason when we are in the supermarket it is impossible to be able to get his attention (normally I would try to get his eye contact and tell him very briefly to 'stop, sit in trolley' and hold the eye contact, repeating the request until he obliged). Not in the supermarket - there is no way I can seem to make him listen, let alone comprehend.
Saga number three is getting into the supermarket through the little electronic gate thing because once again he has to be the one to make it open first (oh, and we HAVE to enter through the left gate, as well as the left door at the front - we once went out the right door and had to enter the supermarket again, through the left door so we could exit through the 'correct' door and avert a major meltdown).
As I attempt to push the trolley, Jasper insists on holding on to it and pulling it back towards us. By this stage I am normally ready to spontaneously combust through sheer frustration and rage. Unwelcome glares from ignorant people do not help any. I continue our trip through the supermarket slowly, speaking calmly, repeating over and over what we need to be doing. There are certain items of interest to Jasper we need to avoid walking past at all costs (chocolate soy milk for example) unless we plan to buy every last one from off the shelf. The dairy and frozen food aisle also set him off because it is cold ('I want a blanket mum' over and over).
Next saga is the checkout - give me strength - today was particularly a case in point. We normally do the self serve check out, and as fast as I am putting things into the bag, Jasper is taking them out, which sets off the silly checkout and necessitates a staff member coming over to reset the checkout. All this with Jasper harping and whining in my ear. At this point I usually give him some coins to put in the dog (which allows me a brief reprieve to gather together our things and be on our way). The only down-side to this little habit is that Jasper is unable to pass any sort of donation tin or coin slot without wanting to put money in it.
Then it is time once more to negotiate our exit through the automatic doors - I was just about in tears today as every time the doors just about closed someone would set them off to open again. In the end I managed to get out but Jasper refused to follow until he could open the doors from closed, himself. Hence the reason it took us 90 minutes to grab a handful of items.
As we set off in the car on the way home I was screaming silently, in my head, every known swear word such was the frustration and anger I felt. It takes so much mental energy to remain calm and to repeat things over and over to Jasper (also to listen to his constant chatter and answer him to his satisfaction) and sometimes I wonder how much of this frustration and anger you can silently take on before you explode.
Once I have exhausted myself with my silent, unheard screams I start to breathe deeply and slowly in an attempt to relax. All is good, it is over, we are in the car on the way home with a Sponge Bob dvd (Jaspers latest obsession) for him to watch and (hopefully) allow me a little bit of peace and quiet. My feelings at this point vary between being very angry at the situation, at Autism, at the fact I can not simply run into a supermarket without so much drama.......then my anger is directed at the people around me, family, friends, even strangers, who go about their lives with seemingly no comprehension of what I go through. I resent their perfect lives and I resent the lack of support and understanding, especially from family - I don't think anyone fully realises what I go through every day. I resent the fact there is no getting away from this, it is with me all the time - sometimes I wish it would just go away, even if only for a day.
Then the anger seems to turn into defiance - I will not let this beat me, I will not let it win, it will not break me. I will tackle it head on and I know that I can.........and will. I will devour every last piece of information and knowledge on autism to equip me with the answers I need to steer my way through this nightmare intact. It makes me feel strong, if this hasn't broken me yet then nothing ever will. There is nothing I fear anymore because I am living through what is surely among the cruelest of jokes life could throw at anyone.
After all this internal raging, I once again feel triumphant. I know what I have to do, I have seen results from strategies I have implemented - it empowers me to go on.
Saturday, April 18, 2009
Tuesday, April 14, 2009
Easter.
It has been two weeks since my last post and things have been going along pretty well - which is quite a bold statement considering it is school holidays (I should be more frazzled than this)!!!
Easter has come and gone and Jasper was very excited about the whole thing. He seemed to really understand the concept of Easter Bunny etc. We talked a lot about Easter, we counted down the sleeps until Easter Bunny came and he was very aware that Easter Bunny would be leaving chocolate (and Jasper LOVES chocolate)!
Jasper was also taking part in Easter activities at creche (he made the cutest Easter Bunny mask and little basket to collect eggs in). They talked a lot at creche about the Easter Festival, particularly the dragon - and being that the dragon museum is directly opposite Jaspers creche, they got to witness a lot of activity in preparation of the festival. When I picked Jasper up from creche on the Thursday night before Easter, the smaller dragons were out practicing their festival routine, with the accompanying drum beat, so Jasper and I wandered over to take a closer look. He has always been a little wary of the dragon (especially the crackers and loud drums) and when we got too close he did ask to go home (and he buried his head in my shoulder, not wanting to look).
On Friday Garth took him down to the childrens' activities at the lake. Apparently he was quite fractious - wanting to go on rides but then shying away once Garth had bought a ticket for him!
On Saturday Jasper came with me to my workplace (a creche) and was so well behaved. I was there for about 2 hours cleaning out a toy storeroom and he very happily sat on the mat and played with the cars.
He could hardly believe his eyes on Easter Sunday morning when he woke up (after an unusual sleep in) to find a trail of little easter eggs from his bedroom door to our bedroom door. He immediately grabbed his basket (the one he made at creche) and collected each egg, laughing almost hysterically!! When he got to the end of his easter egg trail he found a chocolate rabbit and a humpty dumpty egg to add to his collection! He was just about beside himself at this point! He raced down to Jordys room to tell him the news "Easter Bunny....lots of chocolate" and to check out what the Easter Bunny left for Jordy! Then he peeped in Zacs room to see his Easter Egg stash!! When he saw that mum and dad also had a chocolate rabbit each he got his shopping trolley, put everyones chocolate into it and spent the morning wheeling it around!! At one point he had all the rabbits lined up (of course) and we were not allowed to touch them. They were HIS captive audience, watching him play.....and he talked to them all non stop!!!!
Sunday afternoon we spent wandering around Rosalind Park and the carnival and he absolutely loved it. He had a ride on the cup and saucer ride with Garth and again was laughing hysterically (although Garth said he was also holding on to him for grim life)!
As much as we tried to ration out the chocolate he managed to demolish at least half of his, and boy, did we know about it on Sunday night. He was not misbehaving, just completely off his nut!! It was like he was on drugs! Walking along the street to find a spot for the torchlight procession in town on Sunday night he was saying 'wow, mum, look at the trees' (like he had never seen them before). Somewhat scary!!
He loved the torchlight procession. I wondered how he would handle the crowds and the noise but we spoke to him about it beforehand ('there are going to be lots of people and it is going to be a bit noisy'). He loved all the fire trucks and also the dragons - he did not seem scared at all. He was also a big fan of the fireworks at the end. He was content to sit on my knee the whole time and watch the whole thing pass by, often asking 'what's that noise, mum'?
Considering the hectic and chocolate filled weekend his behaviour was not too bad on Monday. I tried to keep things quiet and lazy at home, and even though he was a little more hyped than usual he was pretty good. We opted not to venture into town again to see the procession, instead he came into work with me to set my room up, and while he was there he requested to do a painting.
Today in the mail I received the letter from Autism Victoria, confirming his eligibilty to access early intervention services under the Helping Children with Autism package. At this stage my focus is more speech therapy, more occupational therapy and more time with Andrea (hopefully on a weekly basis). His language has improved so much - I counted a 9 word sentence the other day. He is asking a lot of questions and making a lot of comments, but there is still a lot of evidence of purely echolalic chatter.
He is also due to start his early intervention group on Tuesday (21st) which will no doubt be very beneficial. He is really coming out of his shell and enjoying social interaction with other children - I really hope to build on this too. At creche he is spending Mondays in the big room and so far has been coping well. I am just really, really pleased with his progress at the moment. It seems that as long as we constantly talk him through what is going to happen he copes with it. He will ask me a number of times a day to go through what we are doing - and he still asks often about where each family member is, although now he is more likely to answer it himself (he seems very aware of what our normal movements are - when dad and mum are at work, when the kids are at school or work or with friends etc).
We have also been engaging in a lovely morning ritual where he calls out when he wakes (usually about 6am) and comes into bed with us for cuddles. He asks for cuddles and will lay there quietly until it is time to get up. As soon as he sees the sun peeping through the blinds he will say 'time to get up, suns up'. It is just a lovely way to begin the day with a good hour of cuddles!!! He gets very funny (I think he is a bit of a mummys boy at the moment and says to Garth 'move away dad, just 2 people'). He is just very cute at the moment although he has his trying moments (usually between about 4pm and 6pm). He gets very ratty at that time and demands a lot of attention.
I am having great success with redirecting him when he constantly asks for chocolate milk - I will allow him one drink with a meal and then explain to him 'after this drink of milk it is only water'. I have a number of drink bottles sitting around and I try to drink a lot of water in front of him. Today he has been great with the water. I really feel like we are getting somewhere!!! Finally!!!
This is not to say that things are easy......and I find by the time Garth gets home from work I have had enough of him and well and truly ready to hand him over. I avoid going out with Jasper as much as possible during the day (especially the supermarket) but I find that if I explain to him a few times what we are going to do he is not too bad.
Today I took him out to McDonalds for a treat, for lunch. We sat in and he was great. It was the first time I have ever seen him finish his chips and nuggets (he is normally not a fan - just loves his diet coke)!! We were able to sit there and chat, then he had a small soft serve cone to finish off. It was lovely.
I have found that the more 'strict' I am with the behaviour, the better he behaves. Before I was never really sure if his behaviour was 'just the autism' and he didn't know better, or if it really was bad behaviour I should be stepping on. I was reluctant to be too hard on him because I did not want to confuse him. But I find he actually responds really well to firm, clear guidelines - of course he loves to push the limits but if I stay firm he more often than not accepts that. I think that may be where Garth is struggling at the moment - Jasper seems to be able to walk all over him.
Anyway, tomorrow is a creche day (and a work day for me) so better go and get organised. Jasper has fallen asleep on my bed! He has been sleeping in with us a lot lately, probably not a great habit to get into but I just love that special time with him. I am not a real fan of attachment parenting but I can see some merits in it. I am happy for him to sleep in with us if he wants to.
Easter has come and gone and Jasper was very excited about the whole thing. He seemed to really understand the concept of Easter Bunny etc. We talked a lot about Easter, we counted down the sleeps until Easter Bunny came and he was very aware that Easter Bunny would be leaving chocolate (and Jasper LOVES chocolate)!
Jasper was also taking part in Easter activities at creche (he made the cutest Easter Bunny mask and little basket to collect eggs in). They talked a lot at creche about the Easter Festival, particularly the dragon - and being that the dragon museum is directly opposite Jaspers creche, they got to witness a lot of activity in preparation of the festival. When I picked Jasper up from creche on the Thursday night before Easter, the smaller dragons were out practicing their festival routine, with the accompanying drum beat, so Jasper and I wandered over to take a closer look. He has always been a little wary of the dragon (especially the crackers and loud drums) and when we got too close he did ask to go home (and he buried his head in my shoulder, not wanting to look).
On Friday Garth took him down to the childrens' activities at the lake. Apparently he was quite fractious - wanting to go on rides but then shying away once Garth had bought a ticket for him!
On Saturday Jasper came with me to my workplace (a creche) and was so well behaved. I was there for about 2 hours cleaning out a toy storeroom and he very happily sat on the mat and played with the cars.
He could hardly believe his eyes on Easter Sunday morning when he woke up (after an unusual sleep in) to find a trail of little easter eggs from his bedroom door to our bedroom door. He immediately grabbed his basket (the one he made at creche) and collected each egg, laughing almost hysterically!! When he got to the end of his easter egg trail he found a chocolate rabbit and a humpty dumpty egg to add to his collection! He was just about beside himself at this point! He raced down to Jordys room to tell him the news "Easter Bunny....lots of chocolate" and to check out what the Easter Bunny left for Jordy! Then he peeped in Zacs room to see his Easter Egg stash!! When he saw that mum and dad also had a chocolate rabbit each he got his shopping trolley, put everyones chocolate into it and spent the morning wheeling it around!! At one point he had all the rabbits lined up (of course) and we were not allowed to touch them. They were HIS captive audience, watching him play.....and he talked to them all non stop!!!!
Sunday afternoon we spent wandering around Rosalind Park and the carnival and he absolutely loved it. He had a ride on the cup and saucer ride with Garth and again was laughing hysterically (although Garth said he was also holding on to him for grim life)!
As much as we tried to ration out the chocolate he managed to demolish at least half of his, and boy, did we know about it on Sunday night. He was not misbehaving, just completely off his nut!! It was like he was on drugs! Walking along the street to find a spot for the torchlight procession in town on Sunday night he was saying 'wow, mum, look at the trees' (like he had never seen them before). Somewhat scary!!
He loved the torchlight procession. I wondered how he would handle the crowds and the noise but we spoke to him about it beforehand ('there are going to be lots of people and it is going to be a bit noisy'). He loved all the fire trucks and also the dragons - he did not seem scared at all. He was also a big fan of the fireworks at the end. He was content to sit on my knee the whole time and watch the whole thing pass by, often asking 'what's that noise, mum'?
Considering the hectic and chocolate filled weekend his behaviour was not too bad on Monday. I tried to keep things quiet and lazy at home, and even though he was a little more hyped than usual he was pretty good. We opted not to venture into town again to see the procession, instead he came into work with me to set my room up, and while he was there he requested to do a painting.
Today in the mail I received the letter from Autism Victoria, confirming his eligibilty to access early intervention services under the Helping Children with Autism package. At this stage my focus is more speech therapy, more occupational therapy and more time with Andrea (hopefully on a weekly basis). His language has improved so much - I counted a 9 word sentence the other day. He is asking a lot of questions and making a lot of comments, but there is still a lot of evidence of purely echolalic chatter.
He is also due to start his early intervention group on Tuesday (21st) which will no doubt be very beneficial. He is really coming out of his shell and enjoying social interaction with other children - I really hope to build on this too. At creche he is spending Mondays in the big room and so far has been coping well. I am just really, really pleased with his progress at the moment. It seems that as long as we constantly talk him through what is going to happen he copes with it. He will ask me a number of times a day to go through what we are doing - and he still asks often about where each family member is, although now he is more likely to answer it himself (he seems very aware of what our normal movements are - when dad and mum are at work, when the kids are at school or work or with friends etc).
We have also been engaging in a lovely morning ritual where he calls out when he wakes (usually about 6am) and comes into bed with us for cuddles. He asks for cuddles and will lay there quietly until it is time to get up. As soon as he sees the sun peeping through the blinds he will say 'time to get up, suns up'. It is just a lovely way to begin the day with a good hour of cuddles!!! He gets very funny (I think he is a bit of a mummys boy at the moment and says to Garth 'move away dad, just 2 people'). He is just very cute at the moment although he has his trying moments (usually between about 4pm and 6pm). He gets very ratty at that time and demands a lot of attention.
I am having great success with redirecting him when he constantly asks for chocolate milk - I will allow him one drink with a meal and then explain to him 'after this drink of milk it is only water'. I have a number of drink bottles sitting around and I try to drink a lot of water in front of him. Today he has been great with the water. I really feel like we are getting somewhere!!! Finally!!!
This is not to say that things are easy......and I find by the time Garth gets home from work I have had enough of him and well and truly ready to hand him over. I avoid going out with Jasper as much as possible during the day (especially the supermarket) but I find that if I explain to him a few times what we are going to do he is not too bad.
Today I took him out to McDonalds for a treat, for lunch. We sat in and he was great. It was the first time I have ever seen him finish his chips and nuggets (he is normally not a fan - just loves his diet coke)!! We were able to sit there and chat, then he had a small soft serve cone to finish off. It was lovely.
I have found that the more 'strict' I am with the behaviour, the better he behaves. Before I was never really sure if his behaviour was 'just the autism' and he didn't know better, or if it really was bad behaviour I should be stepping on. I was reluctant to be too hard on him because I did not want to confuse him. But I find he actually responds really well to firm, clear guidelines - of course he loves to push the limits but if I stay firm he more often than not accepts that. I think that may be where Garth is struggling at the moment - Jasper seems to be able to walk all over him.
Anyway, tomorrow is a creche day (and a work day for me) so better go and get organised. Jasper has fallen asleep on my bed! He has been sleeping in with us a lot lately, probably not a great habit to get into but I just love that special time with him. I am not a real fan of attachment parenting but I can see some merits in it. I am happy for him to sleep in with us if he wants to.
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