Drowning, Not Waving.

"What I feel is an ocean
and I'm in over my head"

(Drowning, Not Waving - Bachelor Girl)


I'm due to go back to work in just under 4 weeks and to be honest, I don't know if I am going to be able to cope. I've been off work for the past 5 months - used up all my sick leave, annual leave and some long service leave - and I really hoped to have 12 months off all up, but I have to go back earlier.

Life is just as crazy and hectic as it was 6 months ago, nothing has really changed, so I know when I get back to work I will still feel overwhelmed and depleted (time off has made no difference there).

Driving Jasper to creche this morning (and in fact just the process of getting up and getting out the door) was a drawn out and frustrating affair. When I am back at work I am not going to have the luxury of time, to be able to do things slowly and calmly so as not to get him worked up. On a positive note, he didn't cry going in to creche or when I left, but he did ask to go home on the drive there.

I don't find it easy to ask for or accept help but sometimes I just feel so out of my depth, and like I am drowning. I wish someone would help me but I don't know what I would want them to do. I just know I don't want to do this on my own. I'm looking forward to our first Early Intervention session for the year, later this month, with Andrea. I think I will ask her to help with some strategies for getting out the door, Jasper to creche and myself to work without too many tears. I also have an appointment with Family Support the week after next. Maybe that is the right place to drop my bundle and ask for help!